I don’t know what turned on the dissociation, and it lasted 2-3 days, with no sudden switch back. Just laying there felt like regular degular low days taken over by gravity I only noticed depersonalization when I was up and moving.
I slept and laid in the dark a lot during the week bc I was really hit by depression. My eyes were watching me move from somewhere in the control center behind my eyeballs but blinking didn’t feel weird, just slow. I wasn’t above my body, but there was definitely a buffer between me and my body.
I subscribe to the theory that dissociation was my brain protecting me from the danger of overwhelming feelings. I was still not properly medicated on antidepressants after starting meds in February 2016, and I don’t remember if I had even started lamotrigine then or if it was later that year.Īctual experience with dissociation starts here I went home and depression hit me hard with bonus new adventure: depersonalization. I cried in front of my boss to the point she took her next conference call while I composed myself, spent the weekend with my sister and nephew in a desperate attempt to jump right in to doing my resume and networking and I’m totally coping fine while I’m busy. Dumb people get fired, people who lie or steal or have a ~bad attitude~ (ง’̀-‘́)ง. But was pure SHOCK that I could ever have something as embarrassing as FIRED. I tragically chronically over promised and occasionally under delivered. Even then, my outputs were good, and sometimes excellent. I had never in my 27 years of life not gotten a thing I applied for, let alone singled out and fired!! I’m intelligent and overconfident and knew my depression made me underperform by spinning my wheels sometimes and usually procrastinating. TLDR mind - mind - body disconnect during a week ish of severe depression No one will read this thing (☞゚ヮ゚)☞ I’m fine with that. This is gonna be long bc I’ve never written this out and I’m bad at self editing online. I had one episode of depersonalization after I was very unexpectedly fired in February 2017.
#Depersonalization bipolar movie
Here are the symptoms: Depersonalization symptomsįeelings that you're an outside observer of your thoughts, feelings, your body or parts of your body - for example, as if you were floating in air above yourself Feeling like a robot or that you're not in control of your speech or movements The sense that your body, legs or arms appear distorted, enlarged or shrunken, or that your head is wrapped in cotton Emotional or physical numbness of your senses or responses to the world around you A sense that your memories lack emotion, and that they may or may not be your own memories Derealization symptomsįeelings of being alienated from or unfamiliar with your surroundings - for example, like you're living in a movie or a dream Feeling emotionally disconnected from people you care about, as if you were separated by a glass wall Surroundings that appear distorted, blurry, colorless, two-dimensional or artificial, or a heightened awareness and clarity of your surroundings Distortions in perception of time, such as recent events feeling like distant past Distortions of distance and the size and shape of objects Any of you have had feelings of depersonalization during depressive episodes?